Coping, Expectations, and Perspective

Many of you know that I have been having a hard time lately. August came and we got back into the swing of school. September came and we were in a full swing school routine. September got really hairy for me, and I remember thinking - Wow, life is really hard for me right now, and I just don't see how things could get any harder. Rich was (still is) so busy that he was unable to lend much in the way of help. It was just me, a mountain of work, and 4 children to teach, feed, love, change, clothe, diaper, etc., etc., etc.
A funny thing happened, though. October came. . . and life became harder! WHAT?? How could things get any harder? I had just wondered this back in September. And now on the first day of November, I can't remember why September was so hard. October was excruciating for me - so much so - that I don't remember why I thought September was hard.
I do remember with great detail, however, why October was hard. Rosalie pretty much stopped sleeping. She went from a very contented baby to a very fussy, non-napping baby. Not only did she stop taking good naps for me, she went from sleeping 11 hours a night to waking up to 4 times a night. So, in case no one has ever told you before - things can always get worse! So, I went from being exhausted from my mountain of work, 4 children to teach, feed, love, change, clothe, and diaper to being completely depleted in every way. I was depleted emotionally, spiritually, and physically. My coping skills are not the best, I must admit. In fact, I have always thought that I lost more and more of those coping skills each time I had a baby. So, I must be down to almost nothing in the coping category by now. In October, my coping skills seemed to be completly non-existent. Each very normal - but somewhat stressful - situation that came my way seemed to need to end in complete despair. Each normal situation grew to be so much more than it needed to be, just because my exhaustion was winning and getting the best of me - and the rest of my family. Trust me when I tell you I did not handle October well. I am not a super mom. I am a normal and very flawed individual that struggles everyday to live out my relationship with the Lord in front of my children with hopes that they will become fully devoted followers of Christ. In October, I failed ALOT. But my children still learned several lessons. They learned alot about sin. They learned that it's hard for everyone - EVERYONE - to keep from sinning. They learned that even mom has to work hard at not acting on anger - and still fails at it. They also learned compassion. By the end of the month, one of the first questions they would ask upon waking up, was - "Were you able to get any sleep last night, mommy?" They learned that in order to function better as a family, we have to work together. So, October wasn't a total wash! We did indeed survive October.
I have been learning for quite sometime now that my expectations are the biggest source of my troubles. I've known this for quite some time, actually. My husband has also pointed this out to me. I still struggle with it, though. I have a certain set of expectations about how something needs to go and if it doesn't quite go that way, my coping mechanisms begin to fail and my preference at that point is just to meltdown. It's almost as if at that point, I step outside of myself, and watch myself behave in an irrational way, but can't seem to stop myself. I think it's quite humorous that I can so easily see this horrible shortcoming of mine, (isn't that usually the hardest part - actually being able to admit it and face it?) yet I can't seem to be able to do anything about it? Believe me - I make all sorts of excuses for myself such as: I have far too much on my plate, I have no one to help me, I have no family nearby, I never get any breaks, if I could only get 1 hour away by myself, etc., etc., etc. I have become quite good at feeling sorry for myself, but then I get a good dose of reality and try to shove all of those thoughts away. So, instead, I start counting my blessings. There are far too many to even count. I am strong and healthy and there is absolutely no reason for me to whine and complain about my situation. My expectations need to go right where they belong. OUT THE WINDOW. Expect the unexpected. That's the best gift I could give myself. (far better than an hour to myself!)
So, the past two months have been hard. I am busy. My work is exponential. My children are challenging little souls that require a great deal from me. All of those things are facts. However, let's just put it into perspective. I have grown so much the past couple of months of difficulty. I am so blessed to be busy and have the strength and health to do my work. I am thankful to have the blessings in my life that create my exponential work. I am enormously blessed to have 4 challenging souls that require so much of me.

Isn't is so much easier to say all that than to put it into action? Thankfully, I am under the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and experience His forgiveness and mercy on a daily basis!
Thanks for reading this long post. I'd love to hear from you in places that you struggle. I'd love to pray for you!